There is no escape from the self. Stop trying to escape into the future of an idealized self image and realize there is nothing you can do under your own power to attain happiness. Any illusion of being special is an illusion.
I heard the testimony of a humble man on Tuesday. Wednesday I felt disconnected from God and felt the pain of my resistance. Today I woke and connected into the bible not knowing what I would find, simply seeking understanding. I was drawn to the Gospel of St John, and I read with a type of Ignatian Visualization, trying to feel into the events of the time, imagine them, smell them, trying to feel Jesus. There is a good likelyhood I would have been one of those who did not recognize Him, one of those who turned away from Him and did not believe Him.
As I read I was struck by the story of Jesus washing his disciples feet before the last supper. He said to Peter in John 13:12-16 “When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. ‘Do you understand what I have done for you?’ he asked them. ‘You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you should wash another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”
I spent much of today with the intention to connect to Christ, his teaching, his message, knowing that I did not know and I was willing to learn.
During prayers at church tonight, our church leader said he felt the spirit of Christ the strongest he had felt it in 20 years. One of the elders mentioned Christ the servant. Driving home, my mother told me that in biblical times, the lowest servant in the house had the job of washing the dusty feet of travelers.
I remember when Christ first presented himself to me in my dream states. He came washing my feet, preparing me for the Masters Chamber. That vision takes on increasing depth and texture through time. Today I saw it as Christ recognizing me as His disciple long before I was fully committed to Him. Yes, I am honored, but Christ’s words are demanding. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.
My resistance these last few days has clearly shown me how I am not really willing to be the lowest servant in the house. My resistance is wanting to trust myself more than wanting to trust God. Tiffany’s and Sparrow’s posts have shown me this recognition from a different angle.
There really is no escape here. Nowhere to go. Nothing to be. Nothing to aspire to. Accepting the lot of the lowest servant; its liberating to know your place. Enter meditation and offer whatever arises to Christ, as it arises, allowing Him to liberate it.
It seems that those with true belief in Christ are those with true humility. The greatest belief is the most authentic humility, as in this lowest place, there is no trust, no power in the small self. All trust and honor comes from the Master. To serve His way is the only way.
I trust the Holy Spirit will continue to show me my pride, and by the Grace of the Divine, remove it.
Love
Bruce
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