Namaste,
I have been sitting a lot with something one of my teachers ,said “Are you willing to give up your struggle?” There is a deepening into what this means, and how is subtle ways I hold onto the notion that my struggle serves me, and I need the struggle to get what I want. I am getting at deeper levels that the struggle does not serve me in the slightest, ever, and is nothing but an impediment to grace. The beauty is that when I can see the struggle, the inner tension, the slight compulsion to do something to make things ‘ok’, I laugh, and see the struggle has never ever served me. Yet, I cant try and drop it, that just makes it worse; all I can do is let it be there, acknowledge it, and choose to focus somewhere else (not so easy when there is shadow..lol). I am simply no longer interested in the struggle.
A line I have had on my board in my living room for a year is from something in a Gregg Braden book,
“Ask without hidden motive, and be surrounded by your desire. Be enveloped by what you desire, that your gladness may be full. So far, you have not done this, and your prayers have not been answered.”
I feel I am finally getting this (again, maybe I am not getting it.. doing the experiment will let me know if I understand this right). So, I am thinking about a visualization-manifestation technique, (which is really a form of prayer) where you feel and visualize with joy and openness that which you desire, and so open fully to it, merging with it as though it were real. There is no agenda in doing this, other than the heart be opened and involved, and this is without hidden motive. You simply say and feel ‘I love this’. I finally got what the hidden motive means; when there is a sense of struggle , attachment to the struggle, and a desire for the struggle to be eased through attaining or getting, then there is hidden motive. I might think we really want something because we have convinced ourselves its good, yet fundamentally the wanting comes from struggle, not from freedom. The trick is truly to allow struggle to be relinquished, for spacious freedom to be remembered, and then the heart, if open, almost effortlessly focuses on what it desires. I have been doing this for a few things I desire, and also a lot for my healing list that seems to have grown.. I visualize the people, I see them healthy, I feel love for them, and I ask for blessings upon them… all from a place of inner openness and love…
Like i said, this is all a grand experiment :)
love
Bruce
