I see the edge and fall again and again. Just open with love and compassion, and as I write this, the mind says 'how' and wants to grasp onto love and compassion as the way. This is another trip down the dualistic road, trying to hold onto the way, the mind wanting certainty through grasping onto the higher way, yet the way is by its nature ungraspable. There can be no grasping, so holding, no interference for the way to shine.
I dont know, and I know I dont know, and the ego throws up its fearful hands as it recognizes it really really has no substance and no power as its facade is finally seen through.
The heart is vibrating. Simply not stirring up the thoughts, and not setting 'not stirring' as the way. Not to interfere with this moment, not to take hold of this moment, yet also not setting ‘detachment and non-interfering’ as the way. I don’t know how it’s supposed to be; there is no ‘it’ to become, only being. There is no way, there is no gate, yet the paradox is that this “no gate” is the gate. There is no entrance to a deeper more fundamentally reality than the stories of the mind, there is no way to wake up from the dream, there is only seeing the dream blowing on past yet no one to see the dream.
Nothing to hold onto, nowhere to go, no path to follow, and with no path to follow, opening to all paths. Opening to all possibilities. In having no way to follow all ways become possible, all light becomes a path to be walked down.
I had a recognition yesterday that I desire to give life to others, to myself. The path doesnt feel like its so much about me any more, about my growth or awakening or transformation, although when contraction happens, then the work is done which is simple opening, welcoming, accepting, taking opposites. How can this path be about giving life, renewal, easing suffering in others? Even this sentance is tricky; the mind sees its tendancy to grasp onto the ‘way of service’, seeking for certainty in identifying with ‘the way’, yet this is also a trap, a return to duality. The way is to feel the hearts desire, allow it to be there, allow it to burn, and trust for right action at the right time, including knowing that right action may be commitment to a path, committing to a way. All ways are possible. The way just cannot be held, the way cannot be owned, possessed, or used to give security in even the smallest form. Yet this doesnt mean that I need to live in insecurity. Insecurity is felt into, loved, embraced, and surrender allowed to happen, and the return of the way is the return of radiance, itself surrendered, seen for what it is, seen for a trap of its own wellbeing.
And with nowhere to go, and not knowing anything, living happens again. The grass is green and the sky is blue, just as it was before the search for awakening started. There is no complexity, its just like this. For a long time there was searching for the right color of the grass, and now the grass is simply the color it is, depending on the light, or on the seasons. Today its green. Or chop wood carry water. Doing the work. Doing what is required for life. I heard an interesting quote.
“The Divine is the possibility of possibility”
As opening deepens, possibility emerges. That which was closed becomes open. That which is unseen becomes expectant with unknown potential. If the small self kicks in with it’s self centered contracted limited dentifications, the way is to open, feel, embrace, love. It feels as though the enlightenment drama is over, then maybe its not. Perhaps more burning will happen tomorrow, just like there was an hour or two of slight burning this morning. It feels as though the self-obession is coming to an end, that the journey of the separate little contracted self has moved into autumn and there arent many leaves left on the trees. I heard another quote..
“The separate I is just a memory.”
Rambling on again. Nowhere to go. Just keep walking.
Love
Bruce
